From One Overwhelmed Mom to Another

Her dad came in and picked the broken toddler up off the floor to console her. Eventually, she calmed down and when the opportunity arose I got her for some cuddles. Well, sometime later, her sister began to cry because she was hungry which meant I was up to bat after all, she is breastfed. I told my toddler who was laying down on my chest that I need her to get up so I could feed her sister. I was met with a firm head shake and a quiet no.

Well, I had to feed the baby so as gently as possible, I removed my toddler from my chest and grabbed the baby as the toddler erupted. I felt terrible, but what was I supposed to do? My husband again consoled the toddler taking her in his arms and back to his spot on the couch. I began feeding the baby while my heart was aching for the other.

Put this on repeated daily for the past week and this has been heart-wrenching.

I’m tired 

Now fast-forward to today following a night of minimal sleep, like less than the new “normal” as the baby was up hourly at one point and then up from 2 am to 5 am. I am exhausted, but I have to get the girls ready, the toddler to daycare, take a shower, and make an appearance at work for our secret-Santa gift exchange. Our work Christmas party is tonight, but if I’m being honest with myself I probably won’t go. 

I digress, I’m tired and I know it’s okay to be tired, but now 

I’m overwhelmed

Thank God, my husband fed the dogs and got my toddler out of bed this morning because I woke up late after a night of no sleep. I get the girls’ clothes ready for the day and the baby starts to scream. I head back into the living room to console her. I feed her, change her, and dress her. I move on to the toddler changing and dressing her after fighting to get her on the changing pad. I try to tame my toddler’s mane but am unsuccessful with my first attempt. Whatever, I’ll deal with that later.

I’m mad

Honestly, I don’t even know who I am mad at. I want to say my husband because I want him to know what to do, when to do it, and be more helpful; but that’s not fair to him. Or maybe I’m mad at him for going to his work Christmas party without me or the kids. He got to be alone and have a good time, but I wanted him to do that so that’s not fair either. 

I’m Jealous 

Maybe I’m jealous of my best friend because she has a new-found romance and went out on an amazing first date, but how ridiculous is that? I have a husband and two beautiful little girls. I shouldn’t be jealous, right? I am happy for her, but I guess I’m jealous too.

I’m full of self-pity

As I cry typing this, I realize how ridiculous I sound, but this is a postpartum reality. I know I can’t be the only one, but this is hard. No matter how much you prayed for your babies and how much you love them, every mother has remorse for her past self who used to be able to go out with nothing but a jacket and her purse. Now leaving the house is such a chore and almost always includes a baby and oftentimes a toddler too.

It’s okay to feel this way

I know this time is fleeting and most days, I feel like I’m killing this whole 2 under 2 thing; but today I am not and that’s okay. I know one day I will look back on these days as the good ole days, but today I am in my feelings of inadequacy even after a grande mocha from Starbucks and a shower (two things that usually cure my mommy blues) and THAT’S OKAY! One day, hopefully soon, I will not be an overwhelmed mom; or maybe, I will just get used to functioning in this new normal version of chaos.