As a second-time mother, I am not ashamed to admit that I love bed sharing with my baby. I know bed sharing is not for everyone, but I love it. We both get the most sleep possible while still being able to get up to breastfeed at night.
Before continuing I believe it is important to make clear the definition of bed sharing versus cosleeping. Bed sharing, for the sake of this post, is when the caregiver (usually the mother) and child sleep on a shared surface together. Cosleeping is often used synonymously with bed sharing, but for the sake of this post, is defined as sleeping nearby, but not necessarily on a shared surface.
I fought bed sharing hard with my firstborn but eventually caved. At the time I felt like I was making a bad choice for my baby due to societal standards and common medical recommendations, but after further research, I found that bed sharing with my baby, if done correctly, is safe and even recommended when breastfeeding as it improves the initiation of breastfeeding, the duration of breastfeeding, and exclusivity of breastfeeding per the Academy of Breastfeeding.
To preface this, I just want to say that I love western medicine, and being a physical therapist, I often work as a part of an interdisciplinary medical team to promote patient health and wellness. However, when it comes to birthing and infant/mother care after birth, I feel medical providers in the United States are lacking. I believe doctors want to offer the best care possible, but are often limited due to being overwhelmed with a heavy patient caseload that often results in a doctor choosing the quickest and easiest option and/or electing for less patient education instead of taking the time to allow the mother to make a well-educated decision for themself and/or their baby.
As of 2019, the Academy of Breastfeeding published bed sharing and breastfeeding recommendations stating that all families should be counseled on bed sharing and safe sleep. However, I can personally attest I have never been counseled on bed sharing and safe sleep after either of my baby’s births or follow-up appointments. However, I have been fortunate enough to do my own research to figure out the best practice for bed sharing with an infant.
Bed sharing with my baby is so important to me because prior to bed sharing, I was making unsafe decisions for sleep circumstances with my firstborn. I believe my firstborn was around 6 weeks old when I started to actively bed sharing. Before 6 weeks, I had tried so many different sleep scenarios. I tried swaddling my firstborn and placing her in a bedside crib, but she hated swaddling shortly after coming home from the hospital and she hated the bedside crib even more. For the first two weeks when attempting the bedside crib and swaddling I constantly fell asleep holding her.
I remember being so tired at one point my baby had fallen asleep on my chest so I chose to put her into my nursing tank top to help keep her on my chest and fell asleep having propped myself up with all of my pillows. The funny thing is we slept for almost 5 hours like this. As cozy as it was, I knew sleeping like that was not sustainable.
From two to six weeks I swaddled my firstborn with her arms free and propped up next to me in bed with a boppy pillow and very occasionally in her cosleeping bed crib that sat on top of our bed next to me. I cringe as I type this because I know sleeping with the boppy pillow unsupervised is not safe, but I did it and it worked for a couple of weeks. She slept quite a bit even, but at 6 weeks everything changed and I started bed sharing.
Our pediatrician in Kansas hated that I did it. She continually encouraged me to move my firstborn to a bedside crib, but I continued to bedshare one because my firstborn would not sleep in the crib, but also because I finally did enough research to feel comfortable continuing to bedshare.
I learned that bed sharing does not have an associated increase in SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome), along with the Safe Sleep Seven, a checklist of 7 items to ensure a caregiver (usually the mother) is safe to sleep with the child.
The Safe Sleep Seven according to La Leche League International include:
- Being a nonsmoker
- Being sober and unimpaired
- A breastfeeding mother and her baby is:
- Healthy and full-term
- Baby is on their back
- Baby is lightly dressed
and you both are:
- Sleeping on a safe surface
The safe sleep seven was my guide to sleeping with my firstborn. It made me feel safe and empowered to make my own decision about what would work best for my baby girl and me.
My firstborn and I co-slept from 6 weeks old until 6 months old when I started putting her to sleep in her crib for her first stretch of sleep and then would move her to bed with me and continue bed sharing. I did that until she started sleeping through the night around 12-13 months old all the while continuing to breastfeed her. My second-born and I have been bed sharing since leaving the hospital and are going strong nearing 5 months of bed sharing.
Similarly, according to the Academy of Breastfeeding, safe sleep recommendations include never sleeping on a couch or sofa with an infant, and never placing an infant close to or next to an impaired individual (meaning impaired due to drugs or alcohol). They recommend placing an infant flat on their back, along with never placing an infant close to a person that smokes or in clothes that smell of smoke. The shared bed should be away from the wall and other furniture to prevent wedging of the infant, the bed surface should also be firm and without heavy covers such as duvets and pillows to prevent suffocation, and adopt the C-curve or “cuddle curl”.
Finding these recommendations as a first-time mom having to be the sole caregiver for my little girl for 5 months before being reunited as a family in Colorado was life-changing and life-saving. I was able to return to work part-time, return to running, and not be any more of an emotional wreck than I already was before having my baby without my husband there. It was a very emotional time for me and discovering that bed sharing with my baby was safe and even recommended for breastfeeding mothers allowed me to keep my sanity.
Bed sharing is something I wish more physicians promoted in the United States, but I understand the amount of education that would have to go into each situation and the fear of recommending bed sharing if something were to go wrong. However, taking the time to provide educational brochures and having a discussion concerning bed sharing and safe sleep could liberate many mothers from the burden of guilt as they continue to hide their bed sharing, along with increasing many mothers’ sleep which in turn improves mental health. I believe it is an incredible disservice to mothers in the United States, but I am hopeful that, in time, more physicians will begin bed sharing and safe sleep counseling with all postpartum mothers in the hospital and continue the conversation at follow-up appointments for every mom and baby to ensure both are thriving. Again, for the people in the back, I love bed sharing with my baby and I am proud of it.
I have so many questions!
When you’re breastfeeding on your side, how do you handle breast milk getting on your bed? My baby likes to fall asleep with a mouthful and it just rolls out of his mouth.
Do you have trouble getting your baby to roll onto her back after she’s done feeding?
Do you get up to change diapers less at night?
Do you burp after every feeding? The la leche league website made it seem like a lot of bed sharing moms don’t, but the lactation consultants in the hospital made it sound like a must.
All great questions!
When I would feed on my side and baby created a puddle on the bed I did one of two things, I either ignored it and went to bed because I was too tired to care OR I scooted us over enough that either I was laying on the spot so baby wouldn’t get wet. As far as baby rolling back to his/her back, starting out the night baby would be on her back and occasionally after feeding she would slide back to her back or have been feeling laying on her back, but a lot of the time she would lay on her side facing me with her face nearly touching my boob. Breastfed babies often gravitate towards mom’s boobs because that is their life source and a place they feel safe according to my research. Honestly, right or wrong, I usually quit getting up at night to change diapers when baby is 6-8 weeks old and usually only peeing at night. Although, if I smelled a poopy diaper I would change it. I only burped after feeding again around 6-8 weeks. My firstborn rarely ever burped so I stopped trying about 4 weeks and my second one I stopped some time between 6-8 weeks old. I think it is only necessary if you traditionally have a big spit-upper.
Thanks for the questions, I hope my answers are helpful and as straight-forward as possible!