There has been so much going on lately that it seems I have forgotten to stop and smell the roses. Luckily, God (or whomever your creator is or isn’t) always finds a way to provide, and the clues are in the mundane activities.
I have been going 90 to nothing since August even though in all reality the amount of work I am doing now is less, but is now more spread out over a thousand tiny pieces which is why it is so stressful and overwhelming at times. However, I have been continually reminded this past week that balance is key.
I have a lot of irons in the fire so to speak. I have a lot of fun and exciting things going on at work. It is a fun added stress and requires good communication and coordination.
I have my two beautiful little girls to take care of which requires way too much planning, communication, and coordination as well.
I am training hard and trying to find a resemblance to the runner I once was.
I have a husband whose job is rather variable and often requires he is unreachable at times while also throwing in all the additives of life which currently includes getting a new roof, getting hail damage repaired on my car, the girls starting a new daycare in a few weeks, and figuring out why our kitchen and laundry room lights quit working. I love cooking in the dark, don’t you!? It’s a hot mess express over here in the Rizzo house, but we’re surviving.
I have had a very meh week of running. I am supposed to compete in the Prairie Fire half marathon in two weeks and this week was supposed to be my highest mileage week before beginning a small taper, but my body had other plans.
Let’s Rewind a Couple of Days to Bring Everything Full Circle
Last week, my husband and I had been touring daycares more local to our house. I will soon transition to working in two clinics part-time to make up my full-time job. With this new change, we needed to move the girls’ daycare closer to home as their daycare is currently located 10 minutes further north from where I work. Every local daycare I had called that seemed like a potential good fit had a 6-9 month wait list. I was getting very stressed, but I knew we still had a couple of weeks before it became crunch time so I kept reminding myself to be patient (which is something I am not good at).
Well, last week was crunch time. I am going part-time at the other clinic in two weeks which is the minimum time required for my girls’ current daycare to give notice of dis-enrollment.
This is where the God thing comes in.
The last daycare we toured had a great feel and solid facility. We both liked it and came to find out that they had exactly one spot open in each room to accommodate our girls. How freaking cool! At that moment, such a weight had been lifted from my shoulders in a moment that was least expected.
In every part of my life, God has always provided for me when I needed it most. I had been so stressed over the past few weeks, but I kept taking a deep breath and reminding myself not to force something, and let it happen. Everything will always work out. It’s amazing what happens when you surrender the stress. You allow yourself to get out of your own way and actually be successful in your endeavors.
It’s freeing, but there is a difference between being complacent while waiting for chance to happen and continuing to search for the right answer while knowing that the right one will come along.
With so much going on, I believe I had been so focused on my day-to-day checking off my to-do list boxes that I wasn’t checking in with myself on a running level.
How am I feeling?
Am I really having to push to hit goal times when I shouldn’t be?
Cue God’s not-so-subtle hint that I might need a little more balance in my life.
Balance is Key
I had a friend on social media post some fun pictures of her participating in a color run and treating herself afterward to Starbucks because – balance. I laughed the caption away and commented BALANCE. At that moment, I was like hell yeah, balance is key (although not taking that lesson and applying it to my own life). I was just happy to see her running.
Fast forward to this past Wednesday. It was the first Wednesday in a few weeks that I didn’t have the pressure to speed through my workout to make another daycare tour or doctor’s appointment. I only had to run my workout and head home.
I ran from work as is my norm for my Wednesday workouts to hit up a relatively flat trail about half a mile away. I had scheduled 14 miles on the day – two miles warm-up, 5 x 2-mile repeats, two miles cool down.
Whelp, long story short. I was terribly unsuccessful at completing that workout, let alone that prescribed mileage for the day. I attempted many times to complete the workout, I modified it and yet still could not complete even the resemblance of a workout. I tried everything I could, but I could not get my legs or my mind to buy into the workout.
I was bummed but finished out 8 miles on the day and consoled my sad soul with Taco Bell. I talked with my college coach to get his take on my past few weeks of training and why I couldn’t get going today. Our thoughts were synonymous, but I needed someone else to confirm that I should adjust my training because I was getting too tired and not recovering well enough in between sessions.
Not my favorite thing to hear, but I could see the writing on the wall after having time to reflect on my life circumstances and my continual attempt to increase mileage over the past few weeks. The signs were there, but I kept thinking I needed to keep my head down and work harder because in time that would pay off.
I love to work hard. It brings me a deep satisfaction to know that I am willing to do hard things and potentially reap the rewards later on down the line. It drives me. It sustains me, but sometimes it buries me in stress and a to-do lists a mile long. It is who I am, but as I have gotten older I have tried to be smarter about it. However, lately, I’ve been in this constant battle to simply stay afloat.
I am not drowning in sorrow or anything like that, but it is this continual crashing of waves all around and trying to keep my head and all the other heads around me above water. Some days are easier than others, but again I am reminded of balance.
I reached out to a close friend after my workout to vent. I never once mentioned the need for balance and she responded to my disappointment by saying, “Running and working always requires that you modify for one or the other. There has to be a balance.”
LIKE FUCK YOU – OKAY – BALANCE… I get it… stop with the not-so-subtle signs (but like JK, I don’t actually mean fuck you I am just mad I missed the signs before).
Again with the word balance. It has come back around two times from two different friends during a week when I just so happen to reach a peak and my body is physically saying, “I can’t do what you are asking me to do right now so like chill.”
So I am finally taking the sign (and my college coach’s advice) and I am going to “skip” my workout for the week. I am not going to try to trade workout days which is what I originally wanted to do. I am going to listen to my body and I am going to chill.
I have two more weeks until I race a half marathon.
I am not going to lose my fitness over missing one workout.
Now repeat after me:
I have two more weeks until I race a half marathon.
I am not going to lose my fitness over missing one workout.
Right?
Nervous laugh – yeah, yeah everything is going to be fine…probably girl fine, but fine nonetheless.
Thanks for reading this especially crazy episode of Alisn nearly losing her crap.
Happy Monday Y’all!
Also, just saying – I took an off day from running on Thursday. I didn’t run anything crazy on Friday or Saturday and I ended up having a great Sunday long run. Maybe this balance thing has some truth to it?
Balance is key!
