Life, in its current state, feels like one big storm. It’s overwhelming and chaotic, and when I think I’m finding solid ground, it shifts again. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. Maybe you’ve been there too—juggling too many things, trying to keep up, and somehow feeling like you’re falling behind. So, here’s a raw and honest reflection of where I’m at. No filters, no sugar-coating—just a peek into the chaos I’m navigating right now.
The Job I Love and Hate
Let’s start with work. I love being a physical therapist. I love helping people, but lately, it just seems draining. I am the person everyone is leaning on, especially at work. My patients are coming to see me because they need my help and guidance to make a full recovery, but it’s draining me mentally and emotionally. I often feel stuck in a place that doesn’t value me. I am a mom and physical therapist and oftentimes it feels impossible to be both. But what do you do when bills need to be paid, and responsibilities pile up?
It’s hard to explain to people who don’t understand the weight of a job you love and hate simultaneously. It’s not the work itself—it’s the energy it takes out of you as you take on people’s emotions along with turning around and having to relive the entire scenario trying to put it into a polished note later. It’s a deep, mental exhaustion that carries over into every other aspect of life. And yet, I push through because what else can I do?
This too shall pass, I remind myself.
Running Hates Me Back
I had big plans for my running this year. I was going to hit new postpartum personal bests, get strong, and finally get into the groove of running. Except… running hasn’t seemed to like me back this year. I started the year with, in my opinion, a subpar marathon in Houston, which in my defense I overtrained for. So it made sense, but still stung. Go check out my 2024 Houston Recap to re-live my sadness.
So I sought redemption at Grandma’s Marathon in June 2024 and to my surprise despite a mediocre build, I pulled off a 3-minute postpartum PR (that race recap is still to come), but this was the beginning of the end of my 2024 running success.
I again bonked on the fall half marathon (don’t even get me started on those this year – I sucked) 3 or 4 weeks before my fourth attempt at the marathon in 12 months. I could feel the fatigue building, but it wasn’t because I was overtraining. I was getting rickrolled at work, my husband was gone left and right due to military obligations, and I was sad and lonely because I still had no friends here. So the 4th marathon beyond sucked (again more to come, but I will not be rehashing that today). It just seems like no matter how much I try to make it work, my body is fighting me every step of the way. It’s frustrating, to say the least.
There’s always that voice in my head telling me, “You can do it,” but my legs scream, “Not today!” And let’s be real, the last thing I need right now is another thing to feel bad about. Running is supposed to be a release, but lately, it’s become another source of stress and disappointment.
My Girls Are Great, But…
Now, for the bright side—my girls. They are my reason for pushing through it all. They bring joy, laughter, and a sense of purpose that I can’t put into words. But as much as I love them, I’m also exhausted. Parenting is beautiful, but it’s also one of the most demanding roles I’ve ever had even more than work and lately, that’s saying something. Some days, I feel like I’m running on fumes, barely keeping up with everything they need and want from me to the point that I am physically getting sick from everything. I have had more “sickness” in the past 5 months than I have in 2 or 3 years.
The guilt creeps in too. I want to be the best mom I can be, but I want to be a fantastic runner and kick-ass PT, I also need to take care of myself, and that balance is hard to find. I mean seriously, is there a balance? There’s always this tug-of-war between putting them first and making sure I don’t lose myself in the process.
Exhaustion Is Real
If I’m being honest, it’s hard to even find time to breathe sometimes. Between the job chaos, trying to find myself on a run, and giving my kids what they need, there’s not much left over for anything else. I’m tired in a way I haven’t been before. I feel like I’m constantly running on empty, and yet the world keeps demanding more.
But here’s the thing: I’m learning that it’s okay to be exhausted. It’s okay to admit that you’re struggling. It doesn’t make you weak or less capable. It makes you human.
But also, even as I typed out those last two sentences, I barfed a little in my mouth. I sound whiny and I guess I am, but also FUCK man. I don’t know how everyone does it.
Finding the Light in the Chaos
So, what do I do? How do I manage the chaos, the exhaustion, the self-doubt?
I don’t have all the answers, but I’m trying to embrace the small moments of peace. I’m learning to take a moment to breathe when I need to, even if it’s in the middle of a sentence as I feel my blood pressure start to climb and the tension grab ahold of my chest. I’m trying to let go of the feelings of inadequacy and failure in what feels like all areas of my life.
Life may be chaotic right now, but I’m holding onto the hope that things will get better. I will find balance, or a rhythm, even if it’s a little slower than I want it to be. This too shall pass.
And maybe, just maybe, Running will learn to love me again—one step at a time.
If you’re feeling like me, exhausted and overwhelmed, I want you to know you’re not alone. Life is messy, and sometimes, it feels like everything is pulling in different directions. But we’re allowed to take breaks, to breathe, and to let ourselves rest. Keep pushing through, but don’t forget to be kind to yourself along the way. The chaos won’t last forever.
