I have what I call a working mom’s anxiety and it has perpetuated since having my second baby. I believe it derives from mom guilt, but it kicks in strong when I start to think of getting a babysitter for the weekend.
It starts by asking a simple question like why would I ever consider getting a babysitter on the weekend?
I answer because I want to do something with my husband and/or best friend without my children. I want to have a night to myself. It seems like such a simple request and it feels well-earned after a hard week’s work.
However, my working mom’s anxiety responds by blurting out how selfish I am to give what precious time I have with my kids on the weekend to some random babysitter considering I only get to spend on average 3 hours/day during the week with my children. Your children need you, but go ahead and get a babysitter. Be selfish.
It doesn’t take much to send me into a spiral of thoughts convincing myself that a babysitter for the weekend is a terrible idea. It goes like this:
I think to myself, okay, you’re right, how do I justify getting a babysitter? It’s not like I am going to a once-in-a-lifetime event. I just wanted to get dinner and exist for a small amount of time without them.
Wait, how terrible am I to think such a thought?
I usually only make it about this far before I cave and push the thought of getting a babysitter out of my head leaving myself with the thought, how could I be so selfish?
I believe all moms have some form of anxiety, guilt, or another that tries to convince them that their needs are less than their children’s; but this is not true. Children are dependent, yes, and often rely on adults, mainly their parents to provide for them; but as a parent, your needs are still a necessity that needs to be satisfied.
It is important that this be acknowledged because the failure to acknowledge this need often results in an outburst of emotion or terrible resentment. An outburst can come in many forms and vary in degrees of severity, but the outburst needs to be quelled before the eruption because the eruption is unnecessary and at times dangerous.
I say this in reference to the recent tragedy in Duxbury.
The reality of the matter is:
Postpartum depression affects one in seven women; and according to a study done in 2006, as much as half of the postpartum depression in new mothers goes undiagnosed.
Let that sink in.
Postpartum psychosis across the globe affects 0.089 to 2.6 per 1,000 births. Postpartum psychosis is an acute illness that is considered a medical emergency because if left untreated the risk of serious consequences arises such as suicide and filicide.
There are many risk factors and symptoms present in the potential to develop postpartum depression and psychosis, but the importance lies in setting aside the stigma that comes along with mental health and allowing yourself or a family member to seek help when needed.
It is important to seek help when feelings of depression are present for most of the day, you are experiencing loss of appetite, and/or fatigued to name a few.
And if you do not feel comfortable reaching out to family or physician for help, I urge you to use the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s National hotline at 1-800-662- HELP (4357). It is a free and confidential source that is available 24/7, 365-day-a-year with services in English and Spanish for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
As a mom of two, I have been affected by many of society’s expectations along with some of my personal expectations being placed on me as a mom in the 21st century.
I want to have it all.
I want to excel in my career as a Doctor of Physical Therapy.
I want to give my children all the best memories of playing hide and seek while making them the most nutritious meals that also taste good.
I want to be a smokin’ hot trophy wife and someone my husband can be proud of and want to show off to his buddies.
I want to be the favorite daughter who constantly checks in with her parents and gives them anything they need because they were always there for me as a kid.
I want to be the best friend who is down to go out at 12 am on a Saturday when her friends come to town.
I want to be the athlete I used to be. Training for hours a day, taking a nap when needed, and filling my face whenever I wanted with whatever I wanted. That was the best life and I didn’t even know it at the time.
But I Can’t.
I cannot be all of those things at once and to keep those expectations of myself would crush me. I have mom’s anxiety. I know that is not one in the same with postpartum depression or psychosis, but I draw these similarities to show that it’s easy to brush these feelings of ineptitude and being overwhelmed as normal. However, when you find yourself in a situation being overwhelmed mentally and unable to come out of it, especially as a mom being responsible for another human life, it is important to seek help.
Please seek help.
You are not brave to keep suffering.
You are brave to ask for help.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s National Hotline – 1-800-662- HELP (4357)
