The inevitable is finally happening. My best friend is moving out. She has lived with my husband and me along with various other roommates since my senior year of undergrad. We are nearing almost 8 years of living together. It has been an incredible ride and I knew it would have to come to an end someday, but someday always sounds good in your mind until someday is soon. I am quickly approaching living the lonely military spouse lifestyle.
My best friend has lived with me through grad school, passing boards, and being pregnant without my husband being there. She was literally in the delivery room as my first baby was born because my husband was in Georgia finishing AIT. I mean she has been with me through it all. She survived the move with us from Kansas to Colorado and has been such a constant in my life over these past 8 years. It is really hard to imagine her not being here.
The Making of a Lonely Military Spouse
Being a working military spouse, it has been really hard to make friends since moving to Colorado. I will be the first to admit I have not been the most motivated to make friends either, but why would I be when I have my best friend and husband at home?
To date, I have found it hard to relate to other military wives I have met in my husband’s unit for multiple reasons. One, my husband is 30 and for an enlisted soldier at his current rank, most other soldiers are significantly younger than him, not married, and do not have one, let alone multiple kids.
Two, most of the wives I have met are also stay-at-home wives (none were moms yet) so finding things we have in common to talk about was pretty few and far between.
Three, my husband could care less about making friends outside of work. He is perfectly content coming home, talking with his friends from home over text or phone, and existing as such. However, I am not that person.
I’m not a super social person in the sense of going out and becoming friends with everyone I meet, but I really enjoy having a couple of close friends that I can relate to and who have common goals. Ideally, I would love to find other local moms that like to run, like competitively run, and can talk about things besides military life and kids. And so my anxiety as a soon-to-be lonely military spouse grows.
My Very Best Friend
I am very nervous about what our life is going to look like once my best friend moves out. There are many pros and cons to her moving, but having 6 hands to deal with two small children is irreplaceable. Plus, she makes dinner almost every weeknight because I don’t get home until 6:30 most nights.
Ugh, we are going to starve or eat a ridiculous amount of fast food and take-out.
I am very happy and excited for my best friend, but I feel like I’m staring into the abyss here.
Will my husband and I be enough for our girls?
My oldest calls my best friend Nana. Their relationship is weird. My best friend loves my daughter, but my daughter is very selective about when she wants snuggles or help from my best friend. However, every time we go back to Kansas or my best friend goes on vacation my daughter constantly asks about Nana. Is my daughter going to be heartbroken when my best friend leaves?
My best friend is my constant soundboard and stress reliever between work, everyday stresses, and venting about my husband. I know that I could always call or text her, but it’s not the same. I’m not losing my best friend, but it feels like I am.
She is moving on to this new chapter in life and that chapter means we no longer live in the same city for the first time in 8 years. It is such a bittersweet moment.
How do I mourn this season of our friendship coming to an end while also celebrating her moving?
The Life of A Military Spouse
Additionally, my husband is supposed to be leaving for a short stint of time for an upcoming mission. He says he will be gone for a couple of weeks probably in April, but a couple of weeks could mean two, or it could mean 6. April could mean April 1, 3rd, or 23rd. Heck, it could even mean May or June. With the army, you never know and so my anxiety continues to build as a soon-to-be lonely military spouse.
I keep telling myself everything will be okay. I know things always have a funny way of working out, but man, I’m really sweating this one right now. I am trying to get plans A, B, and C together, but I feel I am getting more questions than answers as I am trying to put together a plan.
And then I begin to wonder, how do other military spouses do it, especially on their own with children for months at a time?
They must be angels blessed with endless amounts of patience and understanding or alcoholics to deal with all of the uncertainty, change in plans, and being without family for support. I am truly at a loss right now as to what to do, but maybe tomorrow or the next day things will become more clear.
I know this too will pass, but the interim is a constant battle between my problem-solving self saying, “don’t worry, I got this” and my other half saying, “what do you mean I got this, I don’t even know what this is yet.”
All I can say for now is, I thought I was crazy then, but I think crazy is just beginning.
What have I gotten myself into?
Love,
A Soon-to-be Lonely Military Spouse
You are strong and resilient! You got this!